At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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