I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.