This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
