I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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