He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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