Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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