Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
please don't ironically join a cult
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