That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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