my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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