Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
