corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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