You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
