Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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