Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
