so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
