quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
