like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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