u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
