well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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