like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
