her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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