I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
