i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
