I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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