he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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