I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize