I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
