I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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