you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
