I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
