My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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