omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
