shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
