im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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