I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
