She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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