Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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