where am i from again
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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