so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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