his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
