This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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