"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
