you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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