I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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