Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
