glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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