Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...