Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap