The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.