you guys were way drunker than both of me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots