Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans