you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.