At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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