Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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