We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
