my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
