we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize