I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
