There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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