ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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