An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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