she woke up with a sticky ear
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
