he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
