Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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