its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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