Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
