So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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