Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
