I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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