we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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